It's okay not to be okay

I faked a couple smiles today Put on bronzer and tangerine lips and called myself pretty Called myself able Made myself ready despite how complicated I felt Buried myself under oversized clothes that smelled like him Closed off my frame to the rest of the world hoping they wouldn’t see my baggage This body feels heavy This body feels caged Emotions splatter like colors on abstract painting Pools of red rein supreme But I’ve been told since age 14 that it’s just another day No one cares about my fatigue How these eyes close early but still open what seems like midday This body rejects my hustle Tells me to eat but won’t let me when I do I eat too much Tells me to sit but how can I when I have to change this cotton plug every hour on the hour Says what’s a cramp to a warrior like you anyway So I side eye the hell out my body work calls...I show up kids need assistance...I provide house needs tending...I scrub Although inside I roll my eyes and suck my teeth just like my 14 yr old self I should have asked for a day Carved out a space in my bed that I could cling to until new morning Turned my rest into a spiritual retreat Placed my phone on mute And made peace with my storm But a day is an incredibly long time for a woman with kingdom to rule